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Riding in cars with babes

  • daisy59931
  • Jun 7
  • 2 min read

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When I started working part time that meant I got to pick my daughter up from school. I was so excited. I pictured her face lighting up, running down the hallway to embrace me. It doesn’t actually play out like that. My daughter is approaching two and shows her love in a different way.


At school the teachers praise her calm demeanor. On the car ride home she lets it all hang out. I get to hear about all the hurts from her day, the toy swiped away by a peer, the snack she didn’t like, the discomfort of a soiled diaper, the challenge of using a paint brush. She doesn’t voice specifics, but instead cries ‘mama’ all the way home. She bottles up all her disappointments and frustrations from the day and cries it all out to me, her safe person. What an honor (no sarcasm intended). 


At first I was annoyed and confused. I wanted our time to only be sweet and I wanted her to be happy. I didn’t understand what she was doing. I thought she was making a big deal out of small things. I would try to reason with her that we would be home soon and that wearing a seat belt is for her safety. When she threw her stuffy and cried I would explain that next time she shouldn’t throw her stuffy unless she didn’t want to see it for the next ten minutes. When she cried trying to pull her shoes off I would tell her that wearing shoes really isn’t that bad and mama was also wearing shoes. “We will be home soon!” Please stop crying…


How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk- This book completely changed our drive home.


First off, this book is so practical! It’s so meaty and there’s so many opportunities for application. It’s not a quick read, it’s a journey. Reading each chapter is like a therapy session with homework to work on until your next meeting. 


In the chapter about helping children deal with their feelings. It talks about saying less and listening more. Instead of explaining to my daughter why she shouldn’t be upset I just let her be upset. I tell her I’m all ears, I tell her to let it out. And I give her the airspace to do so. The radio is off. My brow is furrowed and I’m nodding. I give the occasional “mmhmm”, “that sounds hard”, “tell me more”. If it’s just her day that she’s processing, the tears come and go and I say little to nothing. She feels heard and loved (my true desire). If it’s actually the stuffy, I pivot and say “I wish mama could reach your stuffy, I wish I could help.” She usually sighs and looks out the window. 


The real challenge I find now is not finding the right words to explain away her feelings, but rising above her feelings. Some days her cries give me so much anxiety. For this advice to work I need to keep my cool. I must lead with empathy while not letting her emotions become my emotions. I can’t take it personally and I must remind myself how thankful I am to be her mama.

 
 
 

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